One thing I’ve learned over the years is that friendships come and go. And there is nothing you can do about it. It’s sad really, but like almost everything else, there is a cycle to it, and some of them don’t make it full circle.
Being a friend means different things to different people, and for me it means someone I know I can always count on to be a listening ear. Someone I can trust and depend on. I don’t need much really. I don’t need to chat everyday, to go out every weekend, to go on trips together. Although that would be nice, it’s not a prerequisite for being a friend. Hell, some of my best friends, I see mayyyyyybe once a year. Talk on the phone maybe once every couple weeks, but it works for us and our relationships are strong.
I have friends who are great for a night out, those I can go to concerts, tea parties and book readings with and those who I can spill the bearings of my soul to. These are all different people, but friends nonetheless and all equally loved.
With this however, I expect that we share some aspect of our lives with each other. Sure, not everything warrants a conversation. Of course there are some things that we hold close to us, that is not anyone else’s business and that we choose not to share with another person, but it’ll be nice to know that we can share some things.
I have had long term friendships that ended up being in a state where the same questions were being asked an answered every time, with one person making the arrangements to see each other, with just no substance. In the end, it felt as though we were pretending to have something that no longer existed. Talking about it can be painful and confusing, but trust me when I say nothing feels better than getting things out in the open and hearing what each others’ thoughts are. You’d be surprised at what others harbor inside and hold against you. Alot of it being miscommunications and misinterpretations, but nonetheless, things that hurt the relationship.
I struggled with the loss of certain friendships. I was never one to hold on to people, but there are some, who, after leaving my life, I missed. Although the loss of a friend can be extremely painful, there is always something to be learned. I learned a few things over time which helped me to make sense of and deal with the friends I’d lost.
I learned that people can only give you so much, all of the time. Everyone is fighting their own battle and it so happens that when you are fighting yours, they are also fighting theirs. It simply means that we need to manage our expectations of our friends. Understand that we are all human beings and we all relate differently to things. The ability to value what people can offer in a friendship is important and necessary for it to thrive.
Likewise, you can only give what you have. Friendships should not feel like a burden to you. Like all other relationships, it should be beneficial to all parties involved. I’ve had friendships where I couldn’t get a word in. It was always about them. Their triumphs, their issues, their life. This drained me and inevitably strained our relationship.
I now look at friendships in a totally new light and approach them differently. In the end, we can only relish in the good times we share with our friends. Even if they are no longer in our lives, it doesn’t mean that we need to forget them. The love can still remain and the memories kept close to our hearts.
How have you dealt with friendships that seem to be fading?
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P.S ~ 5 Things Wedding Planning Taught Me & Did You Change Your Last Name?
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Published: September 4, 2017 9:30 AM